It's not that I'm trying to stop dreaming, it's that I keep being surprised at how many shapes this one core dream keeps taking.
I sometimes wonder - Do I really want to start a school or is it an idea that I've become attached to, am defining parts of myself by and therefore won't let go? I suppose it's those moments of doubt that cause the central is-ness of this desire to be refocused. In the way that blurriness causes to one to adjust the dials on the binoculars. There. That's better.
I know this because I have actually tried to put it down. There was a time when everything became so blurry, my eyes in so much pain that I had no choice and I put it down and stepped away. I didn't look for a long time.
But that dream persisted. It would gently stir - a light breeze skittering some leaves on the ground. It would wake me from actual dreaming to pull at my mind and heart. It would speak to me in the voices of others. This Dreaming belongs here: in me. It is a constant companion.
Still, it's not so defined. It changes shape; is malleable. Just the way it needs to be.
No comments:
Post a Comment